The push and pull

I can feel the pull, but am resisting the slide.

I’ve been told that we all have an inner voice as we talk through our thoughts in our own mind, an on-going conversation.  Even the sanest of the sane has this voice, their own, that is human nature.

We answer ourselves if need be, at times out loud to emphasis a point, or voice despair.

The questions comes more frequently, “What’s the matter, what are you worried about?”.  A simple unvoiced question of concern, to myself and no one else.

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PTSD – suggested treatment options

Here’s the list of currently available treatments recommended by the American Psychology Association, the approved methods of correcting or  managing the illness to reduce symptoms of PTSD. 

I’ve included the full link below, I simply wanted to share the fact that the types of treatments recommended are seemingly non-ending. *not a doctor!

I’ve simplified the list for ease of reading, but have included the Abstract below. 

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INTRO TO CBT

I’ve been doing some initial research into Cognitive Behavior Therapy, aka CBT. 

It seems the primary goal is to rewrite the memories of the traumatic event, and as a result rewire the defective part of the brain. It works on connecting your thoughts to your feelings and in turn your actions so you can understand how you end up spiraling and ending up in depressive episodes.

In theory.

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Gender vs Sex

Only two sexes.   A Presidential Executive Order.

In some ways I agree with that, scientifically speaking, just taking the physical aspect as the criteria.

We are all born with a set chromosomal genetic base of YY or XY.  That genetic code is in every cell of our body, and at this date impossible to change or dictate.

So in some sense the fool is correct…but.   You know there’s always a but.

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Rambling

What’s on my mind?  Self doubt,  concerns, and the next few stages of my life.

I’m heading to see a new hematologist this morning, looking for a second opinion.  Perhaps find one who cares, like the other specialists I have now. 

Trial and error.  The governing medical body hates it if you switch family doctors, not so for specialists.  I’ve been through several to find the best fit for me.

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RLS and Insomnia; another night

It’s 1:04 am according to this iPad, and I just came back from going upstairs to get a rotigotine patch to stop the RLS from driving me mental. Too late, I’m afraid.  Restless Leg Syndrome.  My theory is it’s all tied to stress and PTSD.

I turned off the television in the master bedroom, thinking my wife was asleep.  She was listening to the news, she said, from under the covers. 

I head back downstairs where I can pace without waking the dogs.  Walking is about the only way to keep the legs from kicking.

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I have no idea what I’m doing

That sums it up, basically I really have no idea what I’m doing writing a blog.  But I have to remember who the intended target audience is…me…and what the desired end results are described below.

Should I be following a set format for bloggers?  How to write a post that’s catchy and fun and keeps the reader’s attention?  Engaging enough for them to follow along with the story?  Click a link here or there maybe? 

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Gender revolution

I‘m starting a new movement, complete with buttons and t-shirts, one-size fits all ball caps, and little cocktail flags, A code of conduct, a secret hand-shake and annual conventions.

Okay, no convention. But I’d really like the handshake.

The Anti-Gender Establishment.  AGE for short.

“Wait a sec, aren’t you the trans person searching for enlightenment?”  your tempted to ask I can tell.  But I’ll keep preaching on this until the cows come home (Kansas is big on cows).

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Depression and Chronic Pain

I’m laughing while I think to myself, “I’m trying….I’m trying real effing hard”

If you know me you’ve heard the laugh before, coupled with a slow shake of the head.

The pain is what will do me in. Well that’s a lie, my inability to tolerate the pain will do me in.

3:00 and I’m forced to retreat upstairs to lay on the bed with an iPad and a TV remote.  Alone.  When the dogs figure out I’m staying up here they’ll join me.

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