A LONG WAY FROM HOME
I can’t describe it any other way than a moment of Zen. At least that’s the way it felt, from falling down the deepest chasm only to rise out and above to new heights.
I have to capture this event while still fresh, wishing only that I had managed a picture, but it was too fleeting. My iPhone lay on the table in front of me, but using it would have broken the moment.
I regret the above photograph is not mine, but rather came from Shutterstock under license.
Continue reading “For A Minute There”(Author’s Note: I’m posting this one on my own, partially because my editor is enjoying 3 weeks in Bali, and I would never bug her. The other reason is I forgot to pay her. I have to beg forgiveness. I’m getting worse every day I get older, one more thing I forgot to do.
So please forgive my short-term screwups, typos and run on sentences)
MAID in Canada is not an option for those of us chronically depressed. Not a chance in hell of using that as a solution to mental misery. That is MAID is not an option if mental illness is the only thing that’s destroying your quality of life. I always believed that being clinically and chronically depressed leads to other health issues, as your mind is so focused on being down it forgets the rest of the body. So maybe it’s a moot point.
Parliament recently came back into session this month, and one of the first decisions from the Liberal government was not to expand and extend MAID to those that are suffering from mental health issues only. It was stated to be on an “indefinite hold”.
Continue reading “The MAID is Dead. Clean Up After Yourself.”I was tempted to put “but” at the end of the title post. But I didn’t.
Like a lot of us, I’m following the discussion on AI and the potential to see the extinction of man within the next decade. Our own creation being the cause of human kind’s extinction. How fitting. Terminator XIV, the last sequel (finally). Scary stuff, I’m buying gold.
The reason I bring that up is because right in the middle of a CNN newscast, about AI tech companies getting together to regulate themselves, the thought hit me;
“Will God still exist when there are no more humans?” or Buddha or Allah or the numerous other beliefs with a higher power? I’m certain there are others I’ve missed, sorry.
Continue reading “Believe What You Want…”A never ending deluge of diseases, syndromes and medications….enough already. With all the other things going on in my body I can’t deal with anymore. Seriously. I made a decision the last time I was bedridden in pain and nausea. I decided it would be the last time I tough this out on my own. It’s overwhelming me both physically and mentally.
Though I must say I am hopeful we finally found an answer to part of my dilemma. I say “we” even though I had to find the issue on my own, the cause of my constant sickness, and had to inform my doctor of the same. If we know what’s the main cause we can find a solution right?
Continue reading “Mast Cell Activation Syndrome: More Problems, More Drugs, But a Light at the End of the Tunnel?”I need to quit watching the news. More specifically the news from the grand country that gave birth to democracy. Although I reside in Canada, I’m still a citizen of the U.S., so watching CNN is a favorite (or used to be a favorite) pastime.
I can’t believe that in today’s turmoil that the subject of trans people in high school sports, more so transwomen than transmen, is even worth more than a five minute blurb in the news.
Let’s move on already.
(Author’s note: I’m working on a post about a major breakthrough in dealing with my own physical pain, but it is taking a longer time to write than expected. It concerns new theories about chronic low-level inflammation as the root cause of numerous disorders, conditions and diseases.
But I need to write today, anything, just to keep my face in the sun so to speak. If you deal with depression of any kind you’ll probably understand that sentence, and facing the sun.)
The little things that keep me going. Little wonders in life that I can grasp for a moment and seem to remember forever.
(Author’s note: I’m re-posting this essay as it is the pivotal point in my life. It cost me my life. What followed after this event was constant turmoil, and with the “help” of others (meaning just the opposite of course) I managed to screw up my life totally. I take that back, this one event screwed up my life forever.
I need to embrace the fact that I was not to blame, and that my thought process was always going to be influenced by what happened.
I’ve done my best and all in all there have been some very good times. Way too many bad.
I am letting this go.)
If someone were to call this minute and ask what I was up to, I’d have to bluntly say “I’m writing about being raped when I was 7.”
There that helped, it’s said and done. You don’t need to read on, but some of these details led to a lot of the problems…
I’m kidding about the “Whiner Series”. Kinda sorta.
When pain prevails, there’s no way to focus on anything as your mind is overwhelmed, or maybe I should say it’s more like being run over. Road kill. “Dead skunk in the middle of the road.” Will have to Google that lyric one day to give the proper credit. Not today, which means never.
There’s nothing else you can think about when pain takes over. Simple neurons that course through your body, constantly fire a single message to the brain saying “hey dummy, something’s badly damaged here that needs immediate attention.”
Like I need the reminder.
Continue reading “When Pain Prevails (Part 17 in the Whiner Series)”
I’m trying….honest to god. I’m going to get this done. Depression has consumed me. Eaten me alive. But I keep trying, but even the smallest tasks are difficult.
I tell myself I’m retired, comfortable and have only 1 thing I must do and that’s take care of my two best friends.
Wonder if they talk about me…”Lucy, Dad’s put on some weight, don’t ya’ think?”…”Yep, and what’s with the buzz haircut?” she replies to Mister Blu.
Continue reading ” Spirit Animals, Random Thoughts and Sleepless Nights”I was going to title this “Too sleep or not to sleep…” but I think it’s been taken. Kinda sorta.
Another day in the life, boring trivia. I keep telling myself that, even if I am lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon. If I write a little it’s being somewhat productive. Which is humorous in itself, as this blog does nothing more than make me feel like I’m doing something. That’s a lie to myself though. There’s a term for thinking you’re productive while doing nothing, besides the ones that aren’t clean enough to print.
So I’m propped up on pillows, a heating pad warming my backside, and trying to write.
Continue reading “A Day In My Miserable Life”