Mental Illness Archives - The Queer KYD

October 17, 2026October 24, 2026

The MAID is Dead. Clean Up After Yourself.

(Author’s Note: I’m posting this one on my own, partially because my editor is enjoying 3 weeks in Bali, and I would never bug her. The other reason is I forgot to pay her. I have to beg forgiveness. I’m getting worse every day I get older, one more thing I forgot to do.

So please forgive my short-term screwups, typos and run on sentences)

MAID in Canada is not an option for those of us chronically depressed. Not a chance in hell of using that as a solution to mental misery. That is MAID is not an option if mental illness is the only thing that’s destroying your quality of life. I always believed that being clinically and chronically depressed leads to other health issues, as your mind is so focused on being down it forgets the rest of the body. So maybe it’s a moot point.

Parliament recently came back into session this month, and one of the first decisions from the Liberal government was not to expand and extend MAID to those that are suffering from mental health issues only. It was stated to be on an “indefinite hold”.

August 10, 2026August 19, 2026

The Loss of a Child: The Start of a Journey with PTSD and Gender Dysphoria

(Author’s note: I’m re-posting this essay as it is the pivotal point in my life. It cost me my life. What followed after this event was constant turmoil, and with the “help” of others (meaning just the opposite of course) I managed to screw up my life totally. I take that back, this one event screwed up my life forever.

I need to embrace the fact that I was not to blame, and that my thought process was always going to be influenced by what happened.

I’ve done my best and all in all there have been some very good times. Way too many bad.

I am letting this go.)

If someone were to call this minute and ask what I was up to, I’d have to bluntly say “I’m writing about being raped when I was 7.”

There that helped, it’s said and done. You don’t need to read on, but some of these details led to a lot of the problems…

May 8, 2026May 9, 2026

The Gander Attack Part II. The Dog and His PTSD

So the story of Blu and the gander attacks continues. Took a short break to enjoy winter that’s dragging on, plus a visit from my granddaughter. Oh, and how could I forget, another week in bed fighting one more case of nausea.

Such highs and lows in a very short time, but I have to say the week with the youngster was the highlight of my life for the past 9 months. The best distraction from this pain, laughing and smiling for a bit.

But finally, back to the big gander attack. (my editor hates starting a sentence with “but”, so I do it just to irritate her.) I have been struggling with getting this written for some odd reason, and it frustrates me to no end. I need to continue with my life on paper, so it’s there when I don’t remember it, if god forbid that day comes.

April 3, 2026April 3, 2026

An Indescribable Feeling of Joy

A couple of weeks ago I opened my eyes, looked at the iPhone on the coffee table and realized I had slept from 10:30 last night without waking. I was basically in the same position I started in, on the couch and curled up in a semi-fetal position. 7:30 in the morning, with hints of sun coming through the front window.

Within 30 seconds of waking, I also realized that the overwhelming nausea I had felt for the last 6 days was gone completely. My pain level that morning was the lowest it had been in several weeks. The normal feeling of aching in every joint was gone, maybe not completely, but enough my mind was not attuned to it. For once pain was not a constant distraction.

March 18, 2026May 9, 2026

Frustration and the Inability to Heal

I’m overly frustrated today, as I find myself exhausted and down. A funk has set in, the shadow of a cloud is once again hanging over my head. Maybe it’s a reaction to lack of sleep for the next two nights, as restless legs have been keeping me up until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning before I finally fall asleep. My body aches, but at least I’m not sick, meaning my gut seems fine.

Mrs. Kyd has been traveling, and during our nightly call I told her I could feel my depression coming on and that I was feeling down for no specific reason. Is it this unbearable lengthy winter we’re experiencing, or the loneliness I go through when she’s traveling? I don’t think so. Seasonal Affective Disorder? Hmmm…it certainly plays a role, but don’t think it would cause such ups and downs.

February 13, 2026February 9, 2026

Over-reacting or Just Plain Over Acting? Neither, It’s me, it’s normal.

(Author’s note: my apologies for the delay in posting, well actually not posting at all lately. Having been bedridden for 14 days in January I find myself way past being down. Waaaaay past. I’m going to have to force myself to take action, do something, anything, or it’s never going to get better. In the meantime, here’s a look at my day from hell today.)

There’s a reason for the title, as I find myself reacting to a bad situation on a day that started off well. I almost felt half decent this morning, both physically and mentally. Every day has its challenges when you deal with both chronic pain and depression, but today had started off promising. The day wound down with thoughts of ending it all as it’s the only way I can see to get out of this miserable world I’ve created.

January 19, 2026January 19, 2026

The Second Worst Christmas

Seems I’m leaning toward writing about seconds, more specifically the second worst things in my life. Am I saving the worst things for last? Seems that way. But I will write about the longest day of my life, and the worst Christmas I promise. They’re at least a fun read. Someone once told me my life is like a movie with too many plot twists and turns to be real. I wish. The worst Christmas is a long drawn out saga of travel and adventure…haha. But it did have a happy ending, sorta.

But let’s talk about the Second Worst Christmas. Apologies for the shorter length of this, I’m in a fight at the moment. Nothing new, just my body is waging war against an invader, yet to be identified. Whatever is happening, it’s like I’m an innocent bystander who is forced to endure an ever worsening fight with pain, inflammation and severe nausea. The pain in my gut is crippling, and I’m relegated to laying in bed all day, stopping every so often for a cig and more ginger ale..

December 20, 2025December 20, 2025

A Roller Coaster When a Ferris Wheel is Needed

I’m stuck on this ride and can’t get off. I’m trying real hard…inside…to turn things around.

I have been unable to post or write anything. Which is frustrating in itself, just adds to the pile. I have to remind myself that writing while in the deepest throes of depression may be a way out. A way off this ride.

Don’t expect much, because doing anything while suffering from depression is getting to be damn difficult.

December 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The Ladybug, Tossed Out In The Cold.

Author’s note: I haven’t posted for some time, my apologies. I find myself slowly recovering from eye surgery, winter has descended in full force, and I’m really down. There’s little I can do, simply make it through each day.

I’m not done…yet

I was stuck in bed again, well the couch and bed, recouping from eye surgery. Laser cataract treatment to be exact, finally completed 10 months after the retinal surgery. They basically removed the real lens that was clouded over from the first surgery and popped in a plastic one. All for a measly sum of $1300 out of pocket.

The operation itself wasn’t bad compared to the first one, 30 minutes versus 3 hours. Even the recovery time is a lot easier, I simply have to put two dozen drops in my right eye everyday, don’t bend over and don’t pick up anything more than 10 pounds.

Which is a problem in itself.

December 12, 2025December 12, 2025

A Short Break in a Long Life

There’s no point to this, I just needed to write for myself.

I wish I could take a break, as we all probably do. I don’t mean two weeks on the beach in Cancun or the Mayan Riviera. Although that would be nice, I agree. I mean just escaping this body and the ills of pain and depression for a while. Sleep would help, and would at least give me some time to just not think.

A break from a mind always in overdrive. but can’t rely on alcohol to turn it off. Yeah that may have worked, sometimes, but the side effects were worse than the depression, fed the disease.

I had to take a break from writing. I haven’t been posting simply because my body, with all its aches and pains, was dictating the mood. When you’re in so much pain and constantly nauseated it’s difficult to concentrate, and as such my writing goes out the window.