A LONG WAY FROM HOME
Why is it that I seem to find the sad things in life? That they seem to follow me, seeking me out. Like “Hey, over here, you need to see this.” Calling me, pulling me down and then under. If you suffer from depression you’ll understand that last sentence, I think. That trip doesn’t take long now, like I’m always on the edge and fall off. A lot.
Continue reading “The Lost Bear”Time is my enemy now, until I finally sleep the last sleep. I used to think it was the evil Trinity of chronic pain, depression and insomnia that was my nemesis. These are adding to the frustration of course, and control my body and mind, but it is Time) that is working against me. I am constantly fighting to get things done, while the clock is spinning wildly.
I don’t have enough time left to live for starters. My wife scoffs when I say this, but I figure I’m at about the 85% mark in my life. Meaning I’ve lived most of it, and if I manage to make it to 80 it will be either by sheer luck or stupidity.
Continue reading “Where Do the Days Go?”I didn’t choose this life. Being trans that is. I was aware of being “different” at a very young age, but insisted on fighting it for years. Wasting my life trying to deny the fact I was queer.
Lady GaGa tries to normalize it by convincing “normal” folks that we’re simply born this way. I personally don’t agree with that 100%, at least not for everyone. I hold strongly to the belief that its nature and nurture combine to drive people toward this pathway.
I was hoping that the old woman dying in my lap in the graveyard was the only death I would live over again in my distorted mind. Her eyes and the dirt on her face still haunt me, 40 years of regretting I couldn’t do anything to help.
But no such luck. Everything bad happens in threes. It was 7 years later that I would have the second experience, looking at death’s vacant stare. Like the other, there was no advance warning. As soon as the event started up it was over.
A bit of background though.
Continue reading “The Dead Man on a Toilet: The Second Death”
This is the first of three deaths that haunt me, nearly 50 years ago and I can see it plain as day. I can still see her blue eyes staring up at me as she slipped away.
I found myself completely bored to death in Calculus III class at university. The course was held in a big classroom filled with other business or math related majors like myself. 7:00 am, three days a week. I prepared for a lot of numbers and formulas that flew over my head.
Continue reading “Death and the Gravedigger”A short story for today, about how a stroll would give rise to defining life, and existence. What this means to be living…or not.
I was out for the morning pull this morning with the two beasts. Not so much walk, more of a pull. Put them both in harnesses like work horses, hook on two leashes, open the door and off they go. The pull.
The strength of two 35 pound Frenchies can be amazing. These two are all muscle, spending half their day asleep, the other half at 90 miles an hour, running from the front door to the back. Chasing each other for possession of the prized toy of the moment.
Continue reading “Existence defined”