Tag: coping

Posted on

Just one more…the beginning

It’s hard to admit that one spent the majority of their life fighting with alcohol, but that was me.  The doctors say self-medicating,  others call it courage in a bottle.  I liked the effect of passing out stoned cold blind…and not having the nightmare.  

One of the major symptoms of PTSD is the reliance on alcohol or drugs, but this becomes an ill-fated means of coping.  Like most of my other coping skills, the alcohol was a way for me to escape the reality of being raped. The event itself was very short in relation to the after effects, like drinking from the age of 14. 

Continue reading “Just one more…the beginning”
Posted on

Depression and Chronic Pain

I’m laughing while I think to myself, “I’m trying….I’m trying real effing hard”

If you know me you’ve heard the laugh before, coupled with a slow shake of the head.

The pain is what will do me in. Well that’s a lie, my inability to tolerate the pain will do me in.

3:00 and I’m forced to retreat upstairs to lay on the bed with an iPad and a TV remote.  Alone.  When the dogs figure out I’m staying up here they’ll join me.

Continue reading “Depression and Chronic Pain”
Posted on

A new beginning?

I haven’t written lately, as I‘m finding life difficult to navigate at the present.

New Year’s Eve.

For some reason, and totally outside my character, I believe the coming year will be good and my course in life a little easier.  Perhaps just from a mental standpoint as I am determined to fight off the downs and lows and depression that have haunted me.

Continue reading “A new beginning?”
Posted on

The Shit Bubble Theory:

I saw a commercial yesterday.  It was from some mental health organization about the need for mental health awareness.  In this particular one there are people of different ages, races, sex, etc that approach a coat rack and don a coat.  The size and shape and length of each coat was as varied as the individuals. 

You know the commercial but can’t remember who it’s from either I bet. 

The point being we all wear various shrouds of troubles, our own dark clouds of unique sizes and shapes. Varying degrees of darkness.

Continue reading “The Shit Bubble Theory:”
Posted on

Good days happen

Today I can say I’m good, content and on the plus side of ups and downs

I’m thinking of playing piano, even though my hands are slowing down, losing speed and reach, the occasional klinker.

i slept hard, the result of 3 trazodone and mirtazapine and morphine.  woke up in pain and now 3 hours later I am so tired I can hardly sit up.

I’m ignoring it.

Continue reading “Good days happen”
Posted on

Chronic pain

This pain is very real.  This anguish is near unbearable.

I‘m losing this war,  where the pleasures in life are short lived, and so few and far apart it’s like they don’t exist.

I’m in mourning.  It’s like when I’ve lost someone that has become a part of me is torn away.  My brother, my mother, my best friend,

and now myself.

I quietly reach out for help, but no one is there.

For the last seven days I’ve awoken crying. Upon opening my eyes they immediately fill with tears.

Am I crying because I know what the day will bring?

Or crying for all those days past? 

I am screaming out but no one hears.

Or they hear but don’t listen.

This needs to end

Powered by WordPress.com.