trauma Archives - The Queer KYD

June 24, 2025June 28, 2025

The Dead Man on a Toilet: The Second Death

I was hoping that the old woman dying in my lap in the graveyard was the only death I would live over again in my distorted mind. Her eyes and the dirt on her face still haunt me, 40 years of regretting I couldn’t do anything to help.

But no such luck. Everything bad happens in threes. It was 7 years later that I would have the second experience, looking at death’s vacant stare. Like the other, there was no advance warning. As soon as the event started up it was over.

A bit of background though.

March 6, 2025May 22, 2025

Two Memories of the Colonel

If you’ve been following along you know that my father was a Colonel in the US Army. 27 years to be exact.

He had a very interesting career, as one of the original bomb disposal leaders in his field. You know, the guys that go in after the war and do something with the thousands and thousands of bombs and shell and mines and mortars that didn’t work. They simply didn’t explode, but still very well could blow at any moment.

February 16, 2025May 22, 2025

EMDR: Positive…or pure hell. Post 1

EMDR is short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. That’s a mouthful in itself, EMDR is much easier. The best I can describe from my experience is that it is very similar to hypnosis.

In a nutshell the therapy is intended to have you review the traumatic event in baby steps and process your thinking of what actually happened and how you react to it.

I can only relate my own experience and to be truthful it had a horribly negative effect.

February 12, 2025May 21, 2025

Missing the signs: parental intervention

I don’t know how to phrase this, but after enduring 60 years of…what?…life? I’m finding myself angry, disappointed. Not surprising, the anger that is. SARA…Shock Anger Rejection Acceptance. If those are the stages of trauma I’m still stuck in stage 2.

I hate to even go down half these paths in fear of sounding like a whiner. But I’m angry.

Somebody could have helped me a long time ago, my parents is a good place to start.

February 2, 2025May 22, 2025

Traumatic childhood events

There are a myriad of causes or potential situations that can be traumatic in a child’s life. Those events in a child’s life that might leave a deep enough wound or scar to trigger PTSD, and the symptoms as described in the DSM V.

I write about childhood trauma probably because I’m still angry over my parents inability to see the signs and symptoms that something was deeply wrong with myself. They simply didn’t catch it.

The information below is from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

October 21, 2024May 2, 2025

Childhood Trauma

Why do I hold myself to blame for my first years of existence?

I need to stop.

I was born in 1957, in late March to be exact. The third and last son of a career military man, who was sent to the Korean conflict 2 weeks after my birth.

For 3 years…

Maybe he wanted to stay away, maybe he was needed there. Who knows, and everyone who might have known why are long dead.