insomnia Archives - The Queer KYD

July 29, 2025July 23, 2025

Learning to fight

I am in the midst of writing my philosophy and views of being a trans person in a non-accepting world. Marginalized. What a laugh.

But I am also in the midst of a slide, I think spiral is a more fitting word, into another bout of depression. I need to keep track of this quagmire I’m sinking into, in case it evolves into something out of my control. It’s difficult, but it requires a subjective review of myself. Step outside and look in. My vision is clouded looking out at the world.

So I am writing about depression, in hopes this time I can rise above it on my own. See it for what it really is and turn the course. I am learning how, I think, hope. I’ve been dealing with depression long enough to know the signs of its start, but don’t fight back.

May 13, 2025May 23, 2025

The Three Appointments

Today is like most days. We head from winter to summer and the weather has turned. Bright, sunny and 70 degrees. Great day for yard work or better yet fishing.

Of course I’m in an Uber heading to a hospital to see the eye surgeon. I hope for the last time. The gas bubble is gone and I have about 50% of my sight restored.

Good time to write, the occasional pot hole creating typos along the way. Will require a rewrite and edit but that’s the normal course of action, no matter how or where written.

April 4, 2025October 20, 2025

The Nightmare

I refer to “The Nightmare” throughout my discussions on PTSD. The whole insomnia, pain and depression triangle of evil are fueled by each other, a synergistic effect where 1+1+1 = 5, not 3. The symptoms of one being the result or cause of the other. Like nightmares, or night sweats, or flashbacks.

Insomnia has plagued me for a long time, but in the last 5 years has taken on a whole life of its own. My physical pain has joined forces with the mental anguish. The old cure for lack of sleep is a simple night of drinking heavily. But everyone knows a good night’s sleep from being drunk isn’t a good night’s sleep at all.

February 28, 2025May 24, 2025

The Blues

Chronic Pain, Insomnia & Depression. I capitalize the three since they have become my enemies, and deserve a proper name. If even one of them would only ease up, go away. Since they have drained me of all energy today this post is simply an effort to say I accomplished one thing. No matter how miniscule.

Today is day 8 of feeling meh, puny, punky. Absolutely no energy to speak of, and I ache all over. Nauseated.

January 20, 2025May 21, 2025

RLS and Insomnia; another night

It’s 1:04 am according to this iPad, and I just came back from going upstairs to get a rotigotine patch to stop the RLS from driving me mental. Too late, I’m afraid. Restless Leg Syndrome. My theory is it’s all tied to stress and PTSD.

I turned off the television in the master bedroom, thinking my wife was asleep. She was listening to the news, she said, from under the covers.

I head back downstairs where I can pace without waking the dogs. Walking is about the only way to keep the legs from kicking.