pain Archives - The Queer KYD

April 19, 2026April 20, 2026

Totally Irrelevant Dribble: Or How I can Kill Days Navel Gazing

Is that the right term? Navel gazing?

I believe it means that I’m doing absolutely nothing but sitting with my head down staring at my navel. Hours blown while my mind zooms in and out and back to where it started. Repeat.

In my case, just to be honest, I’m staring at a “navel” that exists in a million year old river rock that I stole from someone’s garden. A small slit that was once full of crystals, long eroded over the millenia.

Of course there’s a story behind this.

April 3, 2026April 3, 2026

An Indescribable Feeling of Joy

A couple of weeks ago I opened my eyes, looked at the iPhone on the coffee table and realized I had slept from 10:30 last night without waking. I was basically in the same position I started in, on the couch and curled up in a semi-fetal position. 7:30 in the morning, with hints of sun coming through the front window.

Within 30 seconds of waking, I also realized that the overwhelming nausea I had felt for the last 6 days was gone completely. My pain level that morning was the lowest it had been in several weeks. The normal feeling of aching in every joint was gone, maybe not completely, but enough my mind was not attuned to it. For once pain was not a constant distraction.

July 29, 2025July 23, 2025

Learning to fight

I am in the midst of writing my philosophy and views of being a trans person in a non-accepting world. Marginalized. What a laugh.

But I am also in the midst of a slide, I think spiral is a more fitting word, into another bout of depression. I need to keep track of this quagmire I’m sinking into, in case it evolves into something out of my control. It’s difficult, but it requires a subjective review of myself. Step outside and look in. My vision is clouded looking out at the world.

So I am writing about depression, in hopes this time I can rise above it on my own. See it for what it really is and turn the course. I am learning how, I think, hope. I’ve been dealing with depression long enough to know the signs of its start, but don’t fight back.

May 13, 2025May 23, 2025

The Three Appointments

Today is like most days. We head from winter to summer and the weather has turned. Bright, sunny and 70 degrees. Great day for yard work or better yet fishing.

Of course I’m in an Uber heading to a hospital to see the eye surgeon. I hope for the last time. The gas bubble is gone and I have about 50% of my sight restored.

Good time to write, the occasional pot hole creating typos along the way. Will require a rewrite and edit but that’s the normal course of action, no matter how or where written.

March 10, 2025May 22, 2025

Meds, meds and more…you get the drift.

I find myself in a spider web of doctors, and a cornucopia of medications, all prescribed of course. Except for the marijuana, cannabis if you like. But since one doc told me Health Canada would rather you get high than have an opioid, I take that as a medical blessing.

It’s a lot of medication targeted at one specific problem area or to treat a side effect caused by the rest of the meds. A different prescription for a different symptom. Some are simply handed down by doctor to doctor for issues that no longer exist.