August 2025 - The Queer KYD

August 25, 2025August 25, 2025

The Resolve

(Author’s note: after reading and re-editing this journal entry, I debated about posting it. Why? Because I feel that I should be stronger than I am, somewhat embarrassed at myself for what I deem to be a weakness in character. By posting, I’m allowing myself a little grace, correct? That’s what I’ll take out of this.)

There’s an old saying from where I call home, in the form of a response to the age old question “how ya doing?”.

“I’d have to get better to die.” Meaning you’re so sick or tired or depressed you’ve gone past death. That’s about as bad as you can get.

August 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Dieting while Depressed: My recipe for disaster

It’s my own damn fault, I stepped on the scale. I knew I shouldn’t. The end result has been the almost predictable downward spiral, where 4 days later I’m back to normal. Normal meaning no sleep, more pain, and depressed with a capital D.

All because of weighing myself? You bet. Nothing is more depressing than dieting. For a chronically depressed person dieting is about the dumbest thing to attempt.

August 13, 2025August 13, 2025

Any Decision Is Better Than No Decision

My apologies for the string of down beat, depressive posts as of late. This may be the most important thing for me to write though, fighting with depression. If I look back on these posts, they may shed some light as to why this seems to be a constant battle.

The 5th day in a row. I wake up early when I hear the wife stirring upstairs. The dogs had slept downstairs with me last night, two dogs on oversized pillows on the floor, me on the couch. At least I beat them to the couch. They also hear mom up, the name the two dogs know her by, and decide they need out at 6:00 a.m. I’m still tired from the drugs, not a lot of sleep last night and in pain. I’m nauseous, but crawl off the couch to let them out back to do their morning pee.

August 6, 2025August 6, 2025

This Round’s on Me

It’s difficult to write about being a drunkard for the majority of your life. To be honest I’ve delayed this blog because it is extremely hard to take a look backwards and see what decisions I made in error. The one decision to keep drinking instead of addressing issues head on.

This tale will eventually lead up to the day that I stopped getting drunk. Being able to just stop drinking is one of my crowning moments. Ruling out the birth and love of my two children, putting down the bottle is my biggest achievement in life. Isn’t that a sorry thing to say? As I type this I find myself starting to sink down just because of how bad that sounds.