June 2025 - The Queer KYD

June 28, 2025June 29, 2025

Even the fish enjoyed the day

That may be stretching it a bit, that even the fish enjoyed the day. If you were a fish and ate a tiny little bug that came with a hidden hook and attached to a fly line you might think your day really sucked, right? But in this case, instead of being landed, scaled and gutted to become dinner, you were landed, the barbless hook removed and you’re gently placed back in the lake to swim another day.

It may not be enjoyable for the 3 minutes it takes to be caught and released, but a whole lot better than ending up on the grill that evening.

One of my favorite distractions is fly fishing, and somehow I stumbled upon this private club north of the city about an hour away. A private lake stocked with rainbow and speckled trout, but far from shooting fish in a barrel so to speak.

June 26, 2025June 28, 2025

It Doesn’t Take Much…

…to amuse or distract me. One of the simple pleasures I enjoy is planting something and seeing the fruits of my labor. No pun intended. It doesn’t sound as poetic if you say the vegetables of my labor I guess. Starting with a seed or seedling, you can see your efforts right before you eyes, and if successful you’re rewarded with an abundance of fruits or veggies, or a dazzling array of color.

I graduated from college in 1981 BC (Before Computers) from a small private university in southern Kansas. It was simply the closest place to finish off the 20 hours or credits I had remaining to get a BS in Floriculture. Flowers, greenhouse foliage plants and aquaculture.

June 24, 2025June 28, 2025

The Dead Man on a Toilet: The Second Death

I was hoping that the old woman dying in my lap in the graveyard was the only death I would live over again in my distorted mind. Her eyes and the dirt on her face still haunt me, 40 years of regretting I couldn’t do anything to help.

But no such luck. Everything bad happens in threes. It was 7 years later that I would have the second experience, looking at death’s vacant stare. Like the other, there was no advance warning. As soon as the event started up it was over.

A bit of background though.

June 21, 2025June 20, 2025

The Kid with no Shoes and Ketamine

(Author’s Note: This is the first of three bad experiences with ketamine. I debated on simply titling it bad trip #1, but like the other title better. Has more personal meaning)

I’ll have to do a prequel essay on my psychedelic experiences as a youth, well young man actually. But when the opportunity presented itself to legally try a micro dose of ketamine for chronic pain and depression I jumped at the chance.

Why? Because I knew the power of psychedelics from my exploration with psychedelics at an early age. I realized they have the power to change your whole perspective on the world you live in, your own existence. Those trips where you were at one with the planet, where after you felt more whole, complete and content afterward. Talking to God.

June 19, 2025June 19, 2025

The Word Queer.

Some people just cringe when I say that word. “Queer”.

When I was growing up in the late 60’s and 70” it had a whole different connotation than it does now. Queer was often followed by “fag” or “faggot”. Then it was the fight or flight instinct that took over. I wasn’t much for fighting. I have several times in my life, just wasn’t much for it.

I’m surprised how the word has morphed over the decades, to where it stands for what its original intended use was. Queer simply means different. Odd, different… queer.

June 18, 2025June 18, 2025

A Shower of Epiphanies

In reading the title it sounds like epiphanies were just raining down upon me. In reality it was having a bunch of those aha moments while showering this morning.

June 13, 2025June 29, 2025

Ketamine ketamine ketamine

I wrote that out three times in the title because eventually I will have all three “bad” experiences written down. Three out of a couple dozen isn’t bad. Not true, one bad trip is enough to stop the treatment altogether. Having 20 plus treatments with Ketamine for PTSD and depression qualifies me as an expert though.. Kidding, kinda.

June 11, 2025June 29, 2025

Death and the Gravedigger

This is the first of three deaths that haunt me, nearly 50 years ago and I can see it plain as day. I can still see her blue eyes staring up at me as she slipped away.

I found myself completely bored to death in Calculus III class at university. The course was held in a big classroom filled with other business or math related majors like myself. 7:00 am, three days a week. I prepared for a lot of numbers and formulas that flew over my head.