A LONG WAY FROM HOME
I haven’t written lately, as I‘m finding life difficult to navigate at the present.
New Year’s Eve.
For some reason, and totally outside my character, I believe the coming year will be good and my course in life a little easier. Perhaps just from a mental standpoint as I am determined to fight off the downs and lows and depression that have haunted me.
Continue reading “A new beginning?”The day after Christmas and I’m feeling like a person again after 8 days of being ill. 8 days on the couch, curled up in a ball.
The virus caused a bit of a mental struggle also, relapse, and for the life of me I couldn’t function mentally.
I couldn’t focus, couldn’t find my way forward, and lost purpose. Feeling sorry for myself.
Continue reading “A Small Gift”I saw a commercial yesterday. It was from some mental health organization about the need for mental health awareness. In this particular one there are people of different ages, races, sex, etc that approach a coat rack and don a coat. The size and shape and length of each coat was as varied as the individuals.
You know the commercial but can’t remember who it’s from either I bet.
The point being we all wear various shrouds of troubles, our own dark clouds of unique sizes and shapes. Varying degrees of darkness.
Continue reading “The Shit Bubble Theory:”Not surprisingly, the outline for the blog made sense to me at the time, but as I learn more about myself through research the more I find the emphasis shifting. A change in the level of importance, revisions to the rank.
Ranking them has been difficult, but if I divide the key topics of Mental Illness into Diagnosis (ever changing) Symptoms and Treatments I think I can get my mind around this.
So let’s start with the latest diagnosis stemming from my ordeal with the new psychiatrists.
Continue reading “PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”Today I can say I’m good, content and on the plus side of ups and downs
I’m thinking of playing piano, even though my hands are slowing down, losing speed and reach, the occasional klinker.
i slept hard, the result of 3 trazodone and mirtazapine and morphine. woke up in pain and now 3 hours later I am so tired I can hardly sit up.
I’m ignoring it.
Continue reading “Good days happen”So what’s the story here, this story of the Queer Kyd from Kansas?
Stories I suppose.
The story of being a post-op transwoman and the quest for inner peace; it’s not quite finished. Gender Dysphoria. A true path or another symptom of PTSD?
The story of being raped as a young child and the consequent PTSD:; unknown and hidden, overwhelmed by the guilt and shame.
Continue reading “Stories”If I stay focused, I deliver the same message to myself. That message is a simple reminder really. To give myself a little grace, as one of my best friends puts it, a little grace. Let the past be what it was, and let it lie.
I’m holding a 7 year old to blame for a bad life, the guilt and shame I built up to justify another person’s evil. I need to ask that 7 year old to forgive me for doing so, my 7 year old self I held responsible for the torment. Holding him to blame for what happened in changing my course. Upending.
If only…
Continue reading “Depression and Guilt”Why is it that other’s coping skills for a trauma or tragedy always cost me more pain?
It’s been that way four times in the past four years, and I cannot go through this one more time.
If you avoid me as a way of coping, my mental illness immediately assumes that I did something, you’re mad, I hurt you.
Continue reading “Loneliness feeds depression”Why?
Simply look up the definition in the OED, that’s the Oxford English Dictionary. And even there it’s wrong…
“The male sex or the female sex, especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones, or one of a range of other identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female.”
Simply put:
Sex (male or female) X social norms.
Continue reading “Gender: a meaningless word.”