September 2025 - The Queer KYD

September 17, 2025September 17, 2025

A Stoke of Genius? Far From.

PART II of the never ending trilogy about my escapades in dealing with a bum ticker. It does have a happy ending, trust me.

I hope you read the previous post before this one, as it will save me a lot of background information.

Atrial fibrillation. A-fib for short and so much easier to say and type even. A condition of the heart that can be asymptomatic, actually is in most people, or you can exhibit symptoms like myself. It can be harmless, or can become a dangerous condition. You would have to know I would fall in the latter category.

September 11, 2025September 11, 2025

Ain’t Nothing Like a Sad Song and a Bottle

I tend to gravitate toward sad songs, which is unfortunate since I suffer from chronic depression. A few tear-jerking ballads to start the day, great therapy. People tell me I bring this on myself, and perhaps it’s true. Do I wallow in self-induced misery? Maybe so. Since it’s what I know more than anything, this sadness, perhaps I seek it like a comforting blanket.

When I’m low and feeling blue I put on songs that only reinforce my loneliness. Not too bright really. Odd how the color blue is associated with sadness, like having the blues. Singing the blues. Doesn’t work with another color, try it yourself.

“My woman done me wrong, and I got a bad case of the greens.” See, it just doesn’t fit does it?

I’m rambling today, my mind fretting about yesterday, where a case of the blues led me to thinking about the bottle. That’s a bad train of thought for a reformed drunk. The idea of speeding up the day crept in from nowhere. I thought by numbing myself with a stiff drink, or two, the day would be easier. It was 11:00 am.

September 5, 2025September 4, 2025

No Need To Panic Attack

(Author’s Note: This is Part I of a three part series on anxiety, or panic attacks, and a bum ticker. Meaning my heart decided to get in the mix with everything else that was going wrong in my life. 30 years that ended with my death at one of the best cardiac hospitals in the world. But I don’t want to spoil the ending.)

I start another day following a somewhat restless night. It finally rained last night and into this morning. It’s been a hot dry summer, not fit for much outdoor activity even.

Right now I’m lying in bed in the middle of a panic attack, one of those days when intense worry is eating me alive. There must be something wrong, at least that’s what part of my mind is telling me. I’m too hung up at this moment to take stock or inventory. I’m just worrying. Feel giddy, tense, ready to jump off the ceiling.

September 2, 2025September 2, 2025

An Anniversary Party and No One Came

It was two years ago yesterday, September 1st, and I had a party. At least in my own mind, that was about all I could conjure up. A mental Happy Anniversary to me. Labor Day no less, everyone was grilling and having a party. I’ll pretend it was in my honour.

There wasn’t any fanfare or candles or cake with the cherry on top. I did ask Mrs. K to buy me a cupcake at the local bakery and as is her habit to save by buying in bulk she bought a half dozen. I only wanted one, still sticking to a diet that isn’t working.