May 2025 - The Queer KYD

May 28, 2025July 23, 2025

HRT & ME: Cyproterone Acetate

Hormone Replacement Therapy and medications

As mentioned in an earlier post, my second attempt at transitioning to a point of contentment started in 2018. That was strictly getting myself in better shape, healthier. And happier. If that’s even possible. In the summer of 2018 I quit smoking for the umpteenth time, and lost 40 pounds. I had already quit drinking before my first attempt at transitioning in 2008, so this time it was a lot easier. Kinda.

I finally found a family doctor in 2019 who knew a ton about being trans, transitioning and hormone replacement therapy. He already had 11 trans patients, all at various levels and degrees of transitioning and some at varying stages of surgery. Not just young people, he dealt with a wide range of ages looking for a “cure”.

May 20, 2025May 24, 2025

SLOW TRAFFIC, EVEN SLOWER PEOPLE

This post has nothing to do with depression, being queer or death and dying.

But maybe it does?

This isn’t anything really bad, but frustrates me to no end. I got to wondering though if my state of mind, the constant pain and lack of sleep has me a little more edgy than I should be? That I need to be more patient, more tolerant?

Or maybe the rest of the people on the road share the same frustration when faced with this situation.

May 17, 2025May 24, 2025

The “Message”

If I only have one message in this journal, besides that of perseverance, it would simply be “Transition or die”. I put that in quotes because it’s not my original words of wisdom to claim authorship. I was first told those words of wisdom by Cassandra, in an America Online chat room called “Transexual Menace”.

I believe it was 1991 when I would sit up late at night and spend hours and hours going from one chat after another. All of America did the same at different times of the day, but in the middle of the night creatures like myself took to the chats, searching for others of a like mind. AOL was the easiest way to access this new phenomena called the Internet, just in its infancy for home use.

May 13, 2025May 23, 2025

The Three Appointments

Today is like most days. We head from winter to summer and the weather has turned. Bright, sunny and 70 degrees. Great day for yard work or better yet fishing.

Of course I’m in an Uber heading to a hospital to see the eye surgeon. I hope for the last time. The gas bubble is gone and I have about 50% of my sight restored.

Good time to write, the occasional pot hole creating typos along the way. Will require a rewrite and edit but that’s the normal course of action, no matter how or where written.

May 10, 2025May 21, 2025

A Slow Death

I’m finding this dying business to be too slow.

My brother at 72 was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and given 5 months to live. Despite all the chemo and radiation to please his family he died 5 months and 1 week later.

Who knew there were 3 types of thyroid cancer? The 3rd one usually isn’t discovered until it’s already at stage 4 and the prognosis is always the same.

I think he wanted to just go fishing everyday as long as he could, instead of everything they suggested to at least try. All the chemo and radiation just kept him deadly ill for the 5 months. Shame on them really.

May 7, 2025May 24, 2025

A Hypocrite?

Am I being a hypocrite for not being more openly out? I’m thinking so. That maybe me being more openly queer is important enough that I should do so. Why? Because maybe some of the people that I have known through business or casual relationships would maybe, just maybe, that trans people can be as normal as anyone else. Except our gender of preference.

We desire more for acceptance and being accepted in society’s mainstream of people. Being queer doesn’t make us bad people. Is it offensive to some? Sure, but that’s not the folks I worry or care about.

May 6, 2025May 14, 2025

Am I running out of Time?

I feel a heightened need to get this website up and running. As we approach these final steps, placements, images, edit and re-edit, I am beginning to believe it might be a one off. Compiling everything I’ve written to date.

Will this be like one of my paintings, songs or finished piece of wood? Done, put on a shelf, buried away, replaced by the next work?

This project needs different treatment, this journal detailing my past and my hopes for a better future. As long as I have time left to try to reach it, the better future. The journal goes on as long as I go on, stopped only if my strength or mental health won’t allow me to carry on.

Each of these posts are almost like a small piece of art in and of themselves. The website is my gallery of works.

May 4, 2025May 12, 2025

Existence defined

A short story for today, about how a stroll would give rise to defining life, and existence. What this means to be living…or not.

I was out for the morning pull this morning with the two beasts. Not so much walk, more of a pull. Put them both in harnesses like work horses, hook on two leashes, open the door and off they go. The pull.

The strength of two 35 pound Frenchies can be amazing. These two are all muscle, spending half their day asleep, the other half at 90 miles an hour, running from the front door to the back. Chasing each other for possession of the prized toy of the moment.

May 3, 2025May 4, 2025

What if

My biggest issue, my burning question, my one true “what if” in my life is getting closer to being answered. .

So when you have this question hanging over your head that is impossible to answer, what do you do? I haven’t been able to stop asking the question in my head for as long as I can remember. What if? But if there is no possible way to find out then what? Do you trust blind faith? Gut feel? Research and more research?

No, it’s not as big as the eternal question “why do I exist?” because I know that answer. If you want the truth behind existence I’d be happy to share it with you.

My question is a bit simpler…

May 2, 2025May 7, 2025

Resilience and going forward

I found the above on a blog post somewhere while busying myself doing nothing. You know when you’re just following a rabbit hole, clicking whatever strikes your fancy, and something just sticks. Strikes a chord, whatever you’d like to call it.

The above little image was on a blog for people suffering from depression, about a thousand subscribers. The blog has gotten to the point no one posts, so there’s a catchy little slogan posted everyday from the Moderators.