Am I being a hypocrite for not being more openly out? I’m thinking so. That maybe me being more openly queer is important enough that I should do so. Why? Because maybe some of the people that I have known through business or casual relationships would maybe, just maybe, that trans people can be as normal as anyone else. Except our gender of preference.
We desire more for acceptance and being accepted in society’s mainstream of people. Being queer doesn’t make us bad people. Is it offensive to some? Sure, but that’s not the folks I worry or care about.
Who am I out to, besides the medical community? Just a small handful of very close friends, who I would rather tell directly up front rather than have them speculate. Maybe only the ones who would fully accept me. The fear of rejection I assume.
Plus my two children, now mature adults, with good careers and children of their own. Sometime I will relate that story, my fear of rejection by my two children nearly torture, but it had to be done. One of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, if not the hardest. Rejection on either one of their parts would have killed me.
But back to my “hypocritic” oath (like that play on words?) and why I’m not out more.
What is being “out” anyway? Do I need to wear a label or ID badge that states I’m a post op transwoman, queer? Do I really care if I need to explain to the person that has no influence or input into my life?
I don’t march in parades or hang the rainbow flag out my front door. I don’t believe I’m any more special than the folks next door. I don’t need a full month to wave the flag saying “look at me, I’m queer, proud and special. I am queer, but that takes pride to say that? “I’m a white middle aged male” I’m a senior to be feared and respected”. I need Fathers Day and Pride Month and more to make the world feel that I’m someone?
There is something to be said for those that are openly out, but if you ask the average transman or woman, they don’t want to be recognized as being different, but like myself simply want to blend in. But be afforded the same rights and opportunities as those non-queer types. Accepted despite being different. Accepted but not worshipped like we are something special.
There are those in the community that have done more harm than good, the fool teacher wearing 48 DD’s to class. The biker types clad in leather with their private parts on public display. Is that what pride means? Honest to god it turns the world against us.
When I told a close friend once that I was a transwoman, their first question was do I dress as a woman or wear makeup? I was dressed as a lesbian woman in blue jeans and a sweater at the time, and told them you don’t notice it but I’m wearing makeup now. I was taught by my wife to look good, not garrish.
Plus I know my limitations, and tell people no matter how hard you try, a pig with lipstick on is still a pig. Not that I consider my porcine, it’s that I feel I would never pass as a woman. No matter how much I want to.
What’s it matter to anyone else in the world what’s between my legs? Does it affect anything? It’s really no one else’s business.
That being said I’m proud of the choices I have made finally, it was right for me. It’s the journey in getting here that was hard, but self acceptance is the only part that matters.
If the world was to read a Facebook post that said “Hey everyone, I’m coming out of the closet as a transwoman, would I even care what their reaction would be. The answer to that is yes, I would.
There would be those who knew from a distant past who I believe would think, “Oh that explains his mental state all the time” or “ahh so that’s why he was a drunk.
You have to know the whole story, before you speculate about who or what I am. That’s true with anyone. And no one needs to be judged, not even us transfolk.