I didn’t choose this life. Being trans that is. I was aware of being “different” at a very young age, but insisted on fighting it for years. Wasting my life trying to deny the fact I was queer.
Lady GaGa tries to normalize it by convincing “normal” folks that we’re simply born this way. I personally don’t agree with that 100%, at least not for everyone. I hold strongly to the belief that its nature and nurture combine to drive people toward this pathway.
Individuality, everyone’s path is unique. The queer nation goes out of its way in adding more labels and boxes. Trying to define the undefinable. I have so many boxes to tick that my pen runs dry.
Doesn’t it make sense that being raised by my grandmothers for the first three years of my life played a part? Without a father there for those very formative years?
Being sick and overweight, my body shaped differently than the other boys?
Of course being raped at the age of 7 threw me way off track, the onset of all the complications of PTSD. Trying to live and cope knowing that I caused this in some way. Where would anyone else be that this happened too? That spent their life believing they were the reason this horrible thing occurred.
(C’mon Kyd, you were 7 years old. You can’t believe a child that age had anything to do with why this happened. You need to forgive yourself, show some compassion.)
I’ve heard from many other trans folks who went through this self denial, who tried everything they could to be “normal”. Men or women trans folk often go through a process of dating, marriage, or whatever path their parents, relatives and friends choose for you. The path considered to be “normal”.
No one chooses to be transgender, transexual, or queer. It’s not a very easy path when you think about it. It’s harder than hell to be truthful. A man/woman in physical presence, but psychologically the opposite.
Much like depression, being trans is extremely difficult to explain. The mental aspects, the psyche, and how this affects someone like myself. People may accept, but not understand.
If I can’t explain it myself, how can I relate it to others? “It’s a certain feeling” doesn’t cut it.
We fight to be normal, then when that fails miserably accept who we are as individuals. My road to getting there has been long and difficult, but I’m getting there.
I am normal, and I am the only Kyd there is.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Do you think being transsexual is nature, nurture or a combination of both? Or simply a mental flaw so to speak. I would love to hear your perspective in the comments! Of course anything vulgar or hateful will not be tolerated.