I’ve been doing some initial research into Cognitive Behavior Therapy, aka CBT.
It seems the primary goal is to rewrite the memories of the traumatic event, and as a result rewire the defective part of the brain. It works on connecting your thoughts to your feelings and in turn your actions so you can understand how you end up spiraling and ending up in depressive episodes.
In theory.
It may be a great treatment for most, but may not be the best for everyone, myself included. This is probably a way for me to bow out though, without giving it a try.
Give me a point for seeing that.
Having such a negative result with EMDR, and the fact that that specific treatment increased the level of PTSD symptoms, I’m wondering if I’m starting at the same point as others in the group. With EMDR I began remembering parts of the experience long buried through disassociation, and it was after that therapy the nightmares, flashbacks and bed wetting went to an all new level.
Plus the alcohol consumption.
The physical pain during and after the experience, coupled with envisioning the place where it occurred, took on a whole new and distinct impression as the traumatic event was re-lived more clearly.
Thanks to EMDR, in my honest opinion. The details that were once buried, re-lived over and over again.
So is my base level, versus being at “zero” now actually at a “-100” due to a therapy that had the opposite effect as intended?
My concern today is, if I have to re-process that traumatic event again and replace those memories, it may be more than I can handle. The forgotten memories have been replicated by reality and etched into my brain to be even worse than before.
Good luck replacing those images and memories with a different story, if that is ultimately the point of CBT. Can I look at them with a different viewpoint or understanding than before? Yes. 🙂
Can I revisit the event again?
That’s where my hesitation comes in, a lot of my hesitation.
I’m at a point in my life where I just need to look forward. If I continue to re-examine the actual event itself I’ll be standing still while spinning in circles.
I just don’t want to play it in my head anymore, I need to let that memory fade away once and for all. Even if it is impacting my current behavior and mood and physical health.
Ten days away, and my anxiety will only increase. Group CBT. I wonder if my mind or heart will explode first.