Category: Distractions

Dis·trac·tion (noun) Cambridge Dictionary
/dəˈstrakSH(ə)n/

a.) The state of being very bored or annoyed
b.). Something that prevents someone from giving their full attention
to something else
c.) An activity you do for pleasure

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Depression and Guilt

If I stay focused, I deliver the same message to myself.  That message is a simple reminder really. To give myself a little grace, as one of my best friends puts it, a little grace.  Let the past be what it was, and let it lie.

I’m holding a 7 year old to blame for a bad life, the guilt and shame I built up to justify another person’s evil.  I need to ask that 7 year old to forgive me for doing so, my 7 year old self I held responsible for the torment.  Holding him to blame for what happened in changing my course.  Upending.  

If only…

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Depression meds

Abilify.  An anti-psychotic that is used for chronic depression, with suicidal ideation.

It‘s odd how the spell checker keeps changing it into “Ability”.

Not odd…profound.  Why?  The drug has reduced my thoughts of suicide and depression quite well, and replaced it with a numbing apathy about everything.

I can’t cry or go down the rabbit hole.

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Anais Nin Quote

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

― Anais Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

I’ve always loved that quote, except for the part that happens when these worlds pull apart.  But that part isn’t there is it?  The death of this new world.  Or does it really die?

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Ray Bradbury quote on Sadness

“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”

Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine

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Blog publishing

The Queer Kyd from Kansas

An appropriate tag I think, and so we’ll proceed.  I’m looking forward to getting a blog up and going live.  The ability to post and research and sort my life out while I can.  Lessons in life.

The purpose is real simple and real clear. 

The message?  Many and none.

A good friend said I need to give myself a little grace.  Some forgiveness.  Some compassion.

Let that little kid grow up and live.

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Sliding down

I find the slide downward to be too easy.

I compare fighting depression to the struggles of a poor ant that stumbles into an ant lion trap.

The ant lion is a small little larva of the damsel fly.  It’s jaws of death two long pincers that serve 2 purposes; one to make the trap, one to kill it’s victim.  Death awaits below, if you hit bottom.

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