Category: Distractions

Dis·trac·tion (noun) Cambridge Dictionary
/dəˈstrakSH(ə)n/

a.) The state of being very bored or annoyed
b.). Something that prevents someone from giving their full attention
to something else
c.) An activity you do for pleasure

Posted on

The Shit Bubble Theory:

I saw a commercial yesterday.  It was from some mental health organization about the need for mental health awareness.  In this particular one there are people of different ages, races, sex, etc that approach a coat rack and don a coat.  The size and shape and length of each coat was as varied as the individuals. 

You know the commercial but can’t remember who it’s from either I bet. 

The point being we all wear various shrouds of troubles, our own dark clouds of unique sizes and shapes. Varying degrees of darkness.

Continue reading “The Shit Bubble Theory:”
Posted on

Good days happen

Today I can say I’m good, content and on the plus side of ups and downs

I’m thinking of playing piano, even though my hands are slowing down, losing speed and reach, the occasional klinker.

i slept hard, the result of 3 trazodone and mirtazapine and morphine.  woke up in pain and now 3 hours later I am so tired I can hardly sit up.

I’m ignoring it.

Continue reading “Good days happen”
Posted on

Stories

So what’s the story here, this story of the Queer Kyd from Kansas?

Stories I suppose.

The story of being a post-op transwoman and the quest for inner peace; it’s not quite finished.  Gender Dysphoria.  A true path or another symptom of PTSD?

The story of being raped as a young child and the consequent PTSD:; unknown and hidden, overwhelmed by the guilt and shame.

Continue reading “Stories”
Posted on

Depression and Guilt

If I stay focused, I deliver the same message to myself.  That message is a simple reminder really. To give myself a little grace, as one of my best friends puts it, a little grace.  Let the past be what it was, and let it lie.

I’m holding a 7 year old to blame for a bad life, the guilt and shame I built up to justify another person’s evil.  I need to ask that 7 year old to forgive me for doing so, my 7 year old self I held responsible for the torment.  Holding him to blame for what happened in changing my course.  Upending.  

If only…

Continue reading “Depression and Guilt”
Posted on

Depression meds

Abilify.  An anti-psychotic that is used for chronic depression, with suicidal ideation.

It‘s odd how the spell checker keeps changing it into “Ability”.

Not odd…profound.  Why?  The drug has reduced my thoughts of suicide and depression quite well, and replaced it with a numbing apathy about everything.

I can’t cry or go down the rabbit hole.

Continue reading “Depression meds”
Posted on

Anais Nin Quote

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

― Anais Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

I’ve always loved that quote, except for the part that happens when these worlds pull apart.  But that part isn’t there is it?  The death of this new world.  Or does it really die?

Continue reading “Anais Nin Quote”
Posted on

Ray Bradbury quote on Sadness

“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”

Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine

Posted on

Blog publishing

The Queer Kyd from Kansas

An appropriate tag I think, and so we’ll proceed.  I’m looking forward to getting a blog up and going live.  The ability to post and research and sort my life out while I can.  Lessons in life.

The purpose is real simple and real clear. 

The message?  Many and none.

A good friend said I need to give myself a little grace.  Some forgiveness.  Some compassion.

Let that little kid grow up and live.

Posted on

Sliding down

I find the slide downward to be too easy.

I compare fighting depression to the struggles of a poor ant that stumbles into an ant lion trap.

The ant lion is a small little larva of the damsel fly.  It’s jaws of death two long pincers that serve 2 purposes; one to make the trap, one to kill it’s victim.  Death awaits below, if you hit bottom.

Continue reading “Sliding down”
Powered by WordPress.com.