A LONG WAY FROM HOME
Transmania definition: the over-exuberant effect on transgender people, who, wanting to be accepted for simply being who they are, have waved the rainbow flag just a few waves more than needed. Source: TQK
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Basic Sir Isaac Newton physics 101 stuff.
Remember, this is my own opinion, someone who accepts themselves as Queer. And old and wise.
Continue reading “Transmania: Sorting Out The Journey to Being Queer”“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”
Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine
The post below with the link to the NHS (National Health Services UK) is a great introduction to Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
As a transexual woman this is highly evident in the torture I go through every morning in the decision of what to wear.
This morning I had plans to work on my website, organize my paperwork…hahaha, as if…and catch up a little.
Be effing productive for once.
Continue reading “Body image”I’m flat out stuck.
It has nothing to do with writer’s block.
Mental block?
More like Life Block. “Sorry world, I’m on Life Block. Let’s hope it’s temporary.”
One of those periods where you have laid out a road map, set a direction, and figure you’re getting a fresh start. Charge forward! You can do this, just plain get your shit together.
Continue reading “Depression and moving forward”The Queer Kyd from Kansas
An appropriate tag I think, and so we’ll proceed. I’m looking forward to getting a blog up and going live. The ability to post and research and sort my life out while I can. Lessons in life.
The purpose is real simple and real clear.
The message? Many and none.
A good friend said I need to give myself a little grace. Some forgiveness. Some compassion.
Let that little kid grow up and live.
I see a way forward.
Hopefully a way out of this 5 week trip downward, actually a trip to the bottom. I can’t remember a time when sadness had such a stranglehold on me.
But the way forward is to continue with my project of detailing my life and thoughts on mental illness, therapy and treatments. And my thoughts on being a Queer individual. Just plain different.
A Tree in Winter. My original thoughts on the blog, my loneliness and fear of surviving another cold winter. Where the weather sucks even more life out of me. Long stretches without the sun.
Continue reading “Depression”So it’s Fall and it’s decision time whether or not I’m going to go ahead with this blog.
It’s not that I don’t have the time to write every day, it’s simply a matter of am I gonna stick it out or not. The subject matter is difficult and not 100% pleasant to talk about. It’s going to take a lot of time just to get it set up. A little money, but not a lot so that’s not an issue.
The trouble is, with the mental illness I’m suffering from I seem to put the things that I really love to do aside and don’t just do them anymore.
Continue reading “Putting My Queer Journey on Paper, a Leap of…”Why do I hold myself to blame for my first years of existence?
I need to stop.
I was born in 1957, in late March to be exact. The third and last son of a career military man, who was sent to the Korean conflict 2 weeks after my birth.
For 3 years…
Maybe he wanted to stay away, maybe he was needed there. Who knows, and everyone who might have known why are long dead.
Continue reading “Childhood Trauma”
I find the slide downward to be too easy.
I compare fighting depression to the struggles of a poor ant that stumbles into an ant lion trap.
The ant lion is a small little larva of the damsel fly. It’s jaws of death two long pincers that serve 2 purposes; one to make the trap, one to kill it’s victim. Death awaits below, if you hit bottom.
Continue reading “Sliding down”I really need to find that handhold to pull myself back up.
Do I seriously believe a journal that should have started 67 years ago will help me to understand why I am at this place in my life?
Maybe.
Maybe it will all make sense and I can leave it lay.
I will say that the course I took was far from “normal” but who ever is?
I need to keep in mind my “oneness“ and being a unique individual there was only one path, and actually lived perfectly.
Continue reading “Depression”