A LONG WAY FROM HOME
Back to the question of how I identify.
This will be the first time I’m putting this down, so bear with me.
In my heart and mind I was meant to be a woman, and would have lived a much happier life in doing so.
Simply put, I consider myself female. And there is one person who “gets it”, that through their eyes they can get past the facade and see me for who I am.
Continue reading “My place as Queer”Abilify. An anti-psychotic that is used for chronic depression, with suicidal ideation.
It‘s odd how the spell checker keeps changing it into “Ability”.
Not odd…profound. Why? The drug has reduced my thoughts of suicide and depression quite well, and replaced it with a numbing apathy about everything.
I can’t cry or go down the rabbit hole.
Continue reading “Depression meds”“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
― Anais Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934
I’ve always loved that quote, except for the part that happens when these worlds pull apart. But that part isn’t there is it? The death of this new world. Or does it really die?
Continue reading “Anais Nin Quote”Maybe trying to use myself as a case study is in itself a symptom of PTSD, but since I consider myself a bit whacked, why not?
The trouble I’m going to have is looking backwards, and trying to move forward at the same time. I have to make sure I don’t trip too many times anyway. It’s not quite like going blindly forward, which I have done more than once in my drunken days. Wonder I can still see at all.
Why even look back, let sleeping dogs lie and move on? That’s the issue, I can’t.
Continue reading “A Basket Case Study”Transmania definition: the over-exuberant effect on transgender people, who, wanting to be accepted for simply being who they are, have waved the rainbow flag just a few waves more than needed. Source: TQK
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Basic Sir Isaac Newton physics 101 stuff.
Remember, this is my own opinion, someone who accepts themselves as Queer. And old and wise.
Continue reading “Transmania: Sorting Out The Journey to Being Queer”“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”
Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine
The post below with the link to the NHS (National Health Services UK) is a great introduction to Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
As a transexual woman this is highly evident in the torture I go through every morning in the decision of what to wear.
This morning I had plans to work on my website, organize my paperwork…hahaha, as if…and catch up a little.
Be effing productive for once.
Continue reading “Body image”I’m flat out stuck.
It has nothing to do with writer’s block.
Mental block?
More like Life Block. “Sorry world, I’m on Life Block. Let’s hope it’s temporary.”
One of those periods where you have laid out a road map, set a direction, and figure you’re getting a fresh start. Charge forward! You can do this, just plain get your shit together.
Continue reading “Depression and moving forward”The Queer Kyd from Kansas
An appropriate tag I think, and so we’ll proceed. I’m looking forward to getting a blog up and going live. The ability to post and research and sort my life out while I can. Lessons in life.
The purpose is real simple and real clear.
The message? Many and none.
A good friend said I need to give myself a little grace. Some forgiveness. Some compassion.
Let that little kid grow up and live.
I see a way forward.
Hopefully a way out of this 5 week trip downward, actually a trip to the bottom. I can’t remember a time when sadness had such a stranglehold on me.
But the way forward is to continue with my project of detailing my life and thoughts on mental illness, therapy and treatments. And my thoughts on being a Queer individual. Just plain different.
A Tree in Winter. My original thoughts on the blog, my loneliness and fear of surviving another cold winter. Where the weather sucks even more life out of me. Long stretches without the sun.
Continue reading “Depression”