Sorry if I confused you with the title, but I haven’t switched over to the dark side of recipe blogging. That’s clever, calling food blogging the dark side, unless it’s like me and the recipe is for burnt toast.
Still the same boring old queer stuff, but the following conversation with Mrs. K really provided me with some food for thought, and god knows I don’t think enough.
Before you read all the gibberish it may help if we review some of the jargon used in the queer world. Sort of a brief of who’s what. Read on.
We are all born as either a man or a woman, which in gender terms is denoted as a cis-man or cis-woman. You cannot escape or change this fact of life. A trans-man is a cis-woman who, for a multitude of reasons, believes they should have been born male. That is their mental view of themselves, and we all know the power that exists in self love. The power of the mind.
The opposite is a cis-man, whose mental view of themselves is that of a female, and referred to as a trans-woman.
I’ve told you my thoughts on “transgender”. That term should be used for people that are simply outside what is deemed “normal” by the current existing social definitions. The way society determines what “marginal” means is constantly changing, and changes based on the country. What is now deemed somewhat “normal” and accepted behavior in North America” will still get you stoned to death in other countries.
I think a good way to put it is that the mental view of oneself may be significantly different than the physical. My own mental view of myself is that of a female. I would have preferred to have been a cis-woman, but by the luck of genetics was born male. That physical limitation should not stop me from my own beliefs, or should it?
I agree with the base idea that a cis-person cannot completely change their sex after the fact. You can’t change your chromosomal makeup, period. That’s the absolute physical sense, a person has no choice in the matter of determining their sex. None.
It’s not an act of one god or another. Your sex is determined by fate, only decided by which sperm impregnates which egg. So to speak anyway. Parents may be able to determine their child’s sex in the future, so see, you still have no input.
BUT….
That should not be the only determination of sex and gender. The mind plays a major role in sexual orientation and sexual identity.
Mrs Kyd called last night, as she always does when traveling. She texts throughout the trip but we always make it a point to talk to each other at least once a day. She can tell from my tone if I’m lying about being okay, as I try my damnedest to hide if I’m sick or really depressed. She can read between the lines when we talk and she can easily tell if I’m lying. I think she just worries about the dogs though.
It’s half-way through her week-long business trip and I’m actually doing pretty well, relying on my few friends to keep me from spiraling downward. I don’t do well with being alone and it doesn’t take many days to go from lonely to outright depressed. I really have to make a concerted effort to keep busy and out of my head, especially when she travels.
Today she could tell the dogs and I are managing fine, so we switched to the events of her day.
“Wait until you hear this”, she says. “You know Pete from Atlanta right? We went to grab a bite after the tradeshow, and half way through he started crying. He said his 53 year old son Billy now has green hair, big fake boobs, wears a pink miniskirt, thigh high boots and goes by Genevieve. Then he really started sobbing. Can you imagine?”
“No I can’t,” I replied, “knowing Pete he must be beside himself.”
Unfortunately, or not, I can understand his distress. Of course there are several positions you can take in the debate of what’s the best way to come out of the proverbial closet. I’ll give you a hint, there is no best way, but (you know what is coming) I’ll share my opinion with an observation.
The more outlandish a person dresses and acts, the less they are accepted as part of the “norm”. The majority of transsexual people don’t want to stick out like a circus freak. Think about those around you, and the people you interact with, and dress as they dress.
Surprising all the women I know, especially since I gravitate to having mainly female friends, dress really low key, toned down, and comfortable .For the most part. Of course they do the hair, make up and dress up when the event calls for it, but most of them wear jeans and sweaters this time of year. Or sweats.
Not one has green hair, wears a miniskirt and thigh high boots.
My mother certainly didn’t, nor my daughter. All within the limitation of the “norm”.
I often ask my friends, those who know I’m a transwoman, if they personally know someone who is a transman. Whether in their own family, or circle of friends, or even within their community. You know, people they deal with on a daily or weekly basis. So far the answer is a flat out no, they don’t personally know a transman.
I think there are two reasons behind that. Reason one is simple math, a matter of numbers. There aren’t a lot of transmen or transwomen to begin with. So knowing a trans person should be a blessing.
Reason number two is that transmen generally don’t want to call attention to themselves, as much as some transwomen. Transmen tend to dress more in the norm, fly under the radar . Why? Because really they are not different from the rest of the world. Acceptance and self love and loving others is really all they desire. Just like you and I.
As a crude example, I have yet to meet a transman that has a sock down their pants, a chest hair wig and a fake beard.
So the story about the “daughter” who used to be Pete’s son with “green hair and fake boobs” made me wonder what is the purpose of such outlandish style choices?
Is it necessary to fly your undies along with the rainbow flag? I think outlandish dress is more than just coming out of the closet. Maybe it’s a loud scream for help? Yeah, a scream for help as they can’t voice their need, for whatever reason.
The outlandish behavior and dress, in my humble opinion, does nothing more than hurt the cause of those of us who seek to be accepted as normal human beings. Wanting the same right to live and let live, love and be loved.
Although everyone has the right to dress and act as they please, as long as they do no harm to others.
Is there really no harm though ?
Food for thought.