I’m having a real tough time of it. Real tough. So bad I can’t hardly explain it. My body is directing the show, being bedridden for 20 days out of the last 45 days So sick all I can do is lie in bed, my mind not able to focus on even the smallest task. I turn on the TV for 24 hours to try to drown out the pain. Doesn’t work.
Thank god I have a woman who loves me deeply for some damn reason. She does nothing but care for me. And my two dogs, my only real friends. I know I’m lucky, and I fall more in love with her every day. Love has no boundaries right?
The only thing I manage to do is sit at the piano. Music never stops playing in my head, my own personal background music that only I can hear. Continuous, but no one else’s songs but my own. Something I’ve written and it’s stuck in my head. Sometimes I wish it would stop, but glad it never does.
Surprisingly my depression is in check. I’m not suicidal or thinking about stopping the pain forever. I’m just holding on waiting for my body’s ailments to subside enough where I can think again, be lost in my mind. Not this distraction.
So I sit at the piano and play. Loud enough to drown out life.
Something Always
You gotta learn how to live
You gotta learn not to cry
Look out the window
Watch the world go by
You gotta learn how to love
Right from the start
Just close your eyes
Open up your heart
Where do I belong
Why's there something always wrong
Where do I belong
Why's there something always wrong
You have to be strong
to weather the storm
Seek some shelter
someone to keep you warm
You gotta be cool
Gotta be wise
Cut the bullshit
From all the lies
Where do I belong
Why's there something always wrong
Where do I belong
Why's there something always wrong
Don't try to deny
What's on your mind
You need to be gentle
You need to be kind
But you learn how to hide
Run from the fears
Bury the bad ones
Throughout the years
Where do I belong
Why's there something always wrong