Chronic pain and PTSD: Mental Illness and the toll on the human body
I should have put this down earlier, just to illustrate my insanity or that of the medical community. Both probably. I say my insanity as I realize the physical pain is exaggerated by my mental illness. Depression and chronic pain feed on each other.
My health is not great, not even good really. Yes, I realize some of it was simply caused by lack of exercise and proper nutrition, but more likely by consuming enough alcohol to kill millions of brain cells.
I never really thought about it until now, but contentment and understanding will result in some relief from the pain I’m going through. I’ve been told by a neurologist at Johns Hopkins and others that I have hyperreactive sensitivity. I’ll have to explain that in in another post. Suffice to say if you feel a pin prick, I feel and ice pick.
It’s only been in the last few years of heavy psychotherapy and poor physical health has the relationship between depression and chronic pain go hand in hand. The insomnia, restless legs and sadness love to feed on each other. The frustration of dealing with physical ailments that just ever heal or go away.
Depression and alcohol has taken its toll.
It’s not like I am totally ignorant though, I’ve just been more in tune to the issue of this negative synergy in the last 2 – 3 years.
I’d written in an earlier post that I was on 20 different medications and my editor thought that was a tongue in cheek remark. An exaggeration to make a point about medical treatment. I wish it was.
As it stands now I am filling my body with 20 different medications, not counting the vitamin D and stool softener prescriptions. The latter is to do with the side effect of taking large doses of opioids every day.
I’ve had a chance to see my health record and clinical notes, since most are on a patient shared site within each hospital. Few of their systems intertwine, although several member hospitals in one “group” can view a central file.
I go to 6 hospitals 2-3 times a year each, to see various specialists, then a family doctor and a pain specialist in a private clinic. The pain specialist wins out with monthly visits.
None for the overall treatment of PTSD, each treating separate symptoms of the disease.
Plus the continued problematic kidneys. More on that later.
My file states I am a trans woman, late 60’s. Post gender affirming surgery. The first stage at least, there are several components. The progression is left to the discretion of the individual.
My chief complaints are chronic pain, insomnia and depression. One feeds the other and keeping two under control at the same time is near impossible… But it has to be done.
Here is a quick overview of the physical challenges I manage along with/intertwined with PTSD.
My pain level is influenced by osteoarthritis, degenerative disk disease, and polyneuropathy in all extremities.
I face Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), sleep apnea and sleep aversion from suffering nightmares half my life. The same one, 10,000 times over.
Next up, recovered alcoholic – self medicating really. No, that’s a cop out, a drunk is a drunk. I have the occasional drink, a dozen per year. So am I kidding myself or have it under control? After 16 years I like to think the latter.
Then add Complex Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Being a childhood sexual assault victim. CPTSD for short. The root of my lifelong depression
I am HLAB27 positive but don’t have rheumatoid arthritis.
Eight of my vertebral discs are in some state of deterioration, 2 completely without volume (think bone on bone grinding) the rest bulging or torn. Too many to start trying to fix, or so I’m told. The chance of pain relief through surgery is minimal if at all.
I am positive for MGUS, which is monochromatic gammopathy of undetermined significance. Meaning I have a few bone marrow cells that are duplicating but shouldn’t. As long as their numbers are low I’m okay. The levels are simple blood tests, looking for specific serum proteins – the M protein – plus an occasional spinal tap to check for tumors, and X-rays to see if there are bone lesions.
IGgA is the true medical definition of my type of MGUS. Immunoglobulin g, but what the A stands for escapes me. Everyone has these immunoglobulins, they are there to produce a wide variety of white blood cells. On standby so to speak depending on what the body requires at the time.
Kappa type which is one of two variants, which is the type of free light chain produced as a by-product from the clones. A protein chain. Monoclonal cells aren’t supposed to be there, duplicating themselves. The cells are grouped by their clone type, are either kappa or lambda and if they exist at all should be at a 3:2 ratio. My last reading showed a 4:1 level of kappa over lambda, meaning I have too many of the kappa free light chains.
MGUS is typically asymptomatic, so there’s really no side effect. But research has pointed to a higher level of chronic pain, kidney issues and other illnesses in people with both MGUS and Multiple Myeloma.
Multiple Myeloma is inherited. My grandma on my mom’s side died from Multiple Myeloma at 67. I somewhat jokingly tell people I got the head of hair from one grandma, and the cancer gene from the other, but love them both dearly.
Then we have the frequent UTI’s, and the constant formation of kidney stones, all but one passed without intervention.
Severe atrial fibrillation, meaning my heart was beating a thousand times a minute, and not pumping blood. This was corrected by two separate catheter ablations, the second one in 2017 seems successful to date. Touch wood
It was the second ablation at the leading cardiac center in Toronto where I died on the table. Twice. A 4 hour procedure became 8, leaving a wife alone and worried to death in a waiting home.
I still have nerve damage in one shoulder blade where the conductive pads taped to my back burned me. The doctor used the paddles several times to jump start a flat line. You know when they yell “clear” and everyone jumps back and the patient gives a huge spasm.
That’s a long and boring essay as to my health. Probably a simple bullet pointed list would have sufficed, but where’s the story in that!