So it’s Fall and it’s decision time whether or not I’m going to go ahead with this blog.
It’s not that I don’t have the time to write every day, it’s simply a matter of am I gonna stick it out or not. The subject matter is difficult and not 100% pleasant to talk about. It’s going to take a lot of time just to get it set up. A little money, but not a lot so that’s not an issue.
The trouble is, with the mental illness I’m suffering from I seem to put the things that I really love to do aside and don’t just do them anymore.
It’s like the New York Times crossword puzzle that comes out every Sunday. I used to pride myself in being able to complete it in an hour or two. And I was doing that, ohh for probably more than 30 years? Every Sunday without fail.
If we were traveling or the weather was bad or the paperboy was a fool we would go to great lengths to make sure that we found the Sunday New York Times. My wife would drive all over the city to try to make me happy and 99% of the time she would come home with the paper.
But I haven’t completed the crossword puzzle – completely that is – in the last two years. It’s not that I don’t have time to complete it, it’s just that I don’t. Why? I don’t really know..
It’s funny, we still get the New York Times every Sunday. I open it up, fold the page back, read the first few clues and even put in a few answers. And then it just sits and sits and sits until it goes into the garbage. That goes for several other things that I used to love and probably still love, but the depression for some reason just won’t allow me to follow through with it. Painting for example. Playing piano as much as I would like to.
So that’s the concern I have with the blog. Is it going to be something that I really love and get excited about and then I find myself spinning in circles unable to concentrate? Will I freeze and be unable to focus thinking about 5000 things at a time and not be able to function?
Clearly I’ve made the decision I am gonna try or else you wouldn’t be reading this.
In my mind I have to do this partially for something to do, but mainly as the means to make some sort of sense to all this.
So it’s me and the computer and a lot of the thoughts and let’s hope that something good comes out of it.